..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
