you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
