Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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