I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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