respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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