it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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