I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
