The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
