We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
