I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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