I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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