Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
