Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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