so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
