i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
