How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
