we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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