I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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