On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
