I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
