There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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