once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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