Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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