i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
