Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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