dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
