Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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