I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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