My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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