oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
