When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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