i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
