Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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