idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
