I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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