HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
