I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
