Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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