Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
