Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
