I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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