Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
