Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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