If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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