You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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