Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
