yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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