best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
