This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
