I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
