i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
